Week Review September 7-20

What. A. Week( er, two)!

I didn't finish a review last week because I ended up being really tired, so this will be sort of a mish-mash of the last two weeks.

Tuesday the 8th was a big day because I started my Veterinary Office Assistant classes. It was mostly about terminology so the first day was a little dry. I met my teachers and classmates and really like them all (though some are more annoying than others!). This semester I will be leaning:

• Grooming Handling and Restraint
• Veterinary Anatomy, Physiology & Terminology I
• Veterinary Care I
• Veterinary Nutrition
• Veterinary Administrative Procedures I

Veterinary Care is probably my favorite because that's when behaviour is discussed. 

LAST SATURDAY

I went out shopping with a friend for scrubs, a planner, stationary, clothes, and a stuffed animal. It was all for school, I swear! I was hoping to get scrubs with a cute animal print on them but there  weren't too many options in my size. I ended up getting some plain, dark teal ones. They make me look like a freakin' professional! 

The only other thing on my list that I got was a planner. At the moment I'm using an Erin Condren planner, and it's really great, but it's expensive. After doing some research I found the Create 365 Happy Planner by Me and My Big Ideas online for $24, but the shipping was $27 which I can't justify. It was also on the michaels.com US website but not on the Michael's Canada site.  I went and checked the store just in case... and they had it! With a 50% off coupon I got it for $20! Score! 

THIS TUESDAY

Our first field trip was to the South Burnaby Veterinary Hospital. It's a very nice facility! It's a good size and the equipment is a lot newer than what my vet uses. There's even a nice loft area where we could eat and do homework! I was really nervous about being there though...the first time I watched a surgery I fainted. Just being in the building made me feel hot and wobbly; watching a hamster euthanasia, knowing there would be a postmortem surgery, nearly did me in. The anxiety and anticipation was the worst part. Once we got to the actual surgery I started to feel a bit better and even if I had passed out I would have had a whole room of girls trying to catch me. :) They are absolutely awesome and kept checking to make sure I was okay. I made it through with no problems but definitely need to find a good pair of shoes because my legs get so tired standing all day.

THIS WEDNESDAY

A busy day! I came home from school, walked the dog, had a bite to eat, then had a driving lesson. The plan was to get out on the freeway/highway for the first time. I wasn't sure if I was going to do it but figured I might as well give it a go! It went pretty well! I was hesitant on the gas at first, as usual, but once at speed wasn't too bad... unfortunately it was just about sunset so I really couldn't see too well and that cause a few problems when combined with the new location but I didn't cause any accidents. At that speed I also had a little more trouble staying in my lane, in addition having trouble keeping my speed up and turning at intersections. I've got three more lessons but I'll probably need more before I can go for my N.

Week Review: August 31 - September 6

 The weekdays were uneventful, so let's get straight to the weekend!

SATURDAY

Saturdays adventure was going to the Fair at the PNE. It's one of the best events of the year so I always try to make it out there, for the food if nothing else. Sadly I don't have the most cooperative stomach and it's been a bit icky the past couple days so I only ate some wiggle chips(a cross between a fry and a chip), and a special treat. There's always something new; this time I went with a deep-fried poptart! Not too bad!

 

We checked out the prize home and Superdogs, marketplace and farm country. Everything was as good as usual but not any better than other years, although that may have been my attitude and being too focused on my stomach. By the time we were heading back to the car I was in full grump mode. What do I want to eat? Where do I want to go? F*** you! Ha. It's like I can't handle any interaction beyond a certain point, even if the other person is being as sweet as can be. I just wanted to get home and try one of my  new teas.

The teas,  Garnet , Peridot , Cooper , and Sisters are from Adagio Teas.
 
SUNDAY

I'm working on getting my drivers license and need a lot of practice, so this morning my dad took me to a parking lot to drive around. Honestly I wish I had more lessons with a professional but as it is I need to practice for the lessons, and I'm not comfortable going out on the road in a regular car that doesn't have a second brake on the passenger side. I feel like I'm not a great driver; but I've also been told I just need more confidence.

After a little drive I popped in to the mall to buy a piece to finish off an outfit.

An animal print scarf! I never thought I would wear animal print, but I'm starting to like it... it's kind of classic and adds a little extra detail to a plain outfit.

Anyway, that was my week!

~ Laura

What's to come

 

Hey guys! I'm posting! I'd like to do that more.

- Weekly Review
- Favorite things
- Unboxing
- Other reviews
- Pet stuff/ tips

In addition to the blog posts, I'd like to try vlogging/youtube videos of the posts, plus gaming and maybe some ASMR.  It'd be good 'practice' for speaking in the real world!

There isn't really anything for me to talk about right but I plan on doing a week review on Sunday. If there is anything you'd like to see me talk about, let me know! Otherwise I'll see you Sunday!

~Laura

Awkward

This post is going to be a bit awkward.

I noticed that if a guy gives me the right amount of attention and makes me feel special, I get a crush on him, even if I don't find him attractive. I've been on dates with people that I didn't like, whether it was their personality, appearance, or both. Over time I'm able to find things to love...but still, it feels like settling (not that I'm so great!). I'm not going to do that any more. It might mean I never find a partner, but I'm okay with that because right now the idea of getting to know someone with all the questions seems like too much work!

Not too long ago though I met a girl that was really cute and I found myself wanting to stare at her all night... and  I don't know what that means. I find more girls attractive than guys, but have never had a crush on one. Never really thought about a relationship with one. But now I'm curious. I started looking at girls that I find attractive, and a lot of them are just generally well dressed with a cute face or have sort of a punk/rock, creative, geeky look  - which made me realize I want to dress more like that!

So I went shopping. :p

My experience in the relationship world is pretty limited so I really don't know what I want yet. Maybe that means I -should- date more, and all different types, to find out, but it's just not a priority at the moment.

 Am I gay, straight, bi? Shouldn't I know by now? I don't really know, and it doesn't really matter. I'm open to whatever comes, when I'm ready.

The World Would Be Worse Without You

I was thinking about suicide. No no, not about actually doing it! But contemplating what it means, what it would be like, etc. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t exist, but thankfully I don’t have the urge to physically make that happen. I am too scared to try to kill myself and always able to find things to keep me holding on. It doesn’t stop the questions popping up in my head though.

If there was a button and pushing it wiped you from existence, no pain, no one would remember you, nothing you did would have happened, would you push that button?

At first I tried to think about how things would be better without me. Some people would be less burdened. My parents wouldn’t have to spend money on me at least. Admittedly that’s a pretty big one as I feel a lot of guilt for  relying on them and not being able to take care of myself. I’m sure there are other people I have caused grief. Other than that though, I couldn’t think of much else than my personal belief that I have caused people pain that would rather not have experienced.

After think about how things would be better I flipped it to see how things would be worse without me. It was a struggle to figure out areas that I’ve actually had an impact. I haven’t cured anything, created anything amazing, or accomplished anything of significance. Beginning with my birth I searched for anything that would be different without me. Maybe my brother and sister would have fought more, and been more lonely. Some of my friends would have been alone. Other kids would have been picked last for teams instead. A cat may have stayed in the back of his cage and never had a chance at adoption ( I don’t know if he was adopted…but I was able to help him be more social at least). My last dog wouldn’t have someone by her side when she died. My current dog may not get the love and attention he does. The opposite could be true of course, but who knows. Would you risk those bad things happening?

Just by being me, I may have made the world better. Maybe in small ways. Maybe things would be better if I didn’t exist… but the realization that there are things that may actually be worse without me is powerful.  A shy middle child, that didn’t seek out friends but would accept those, often outcasts, who came searching. Someone with compassion and kindness. I think that, no matter how small the impact, it is worth keeping that person in the world.

Want to Want

I want to want to write this post.

I want to want to go out.

I want to want to work hard.

But I don’t want to.

It’s been difficult for me to find motivation. Maybe because I’ve never had any real goals, and never really needed to work at anything to hard. As a kid the main thing I liked was art, and drawing for fun was enough to make me the best in the class until I was a teenager. I never learned to practice, to work toward something. Mom was even there to do my work if I didn’t understand it or feel like doing it.

Of course it could be depression on it’s own that causes the lack of ambition.

It leads to more panic. What if I never try? What if I can’t hold a job, or take care of myself? Am I destined to live a life depending on other people because I cannot do?

You know what I did today? I looked at office furniture. I have no money for it, and I don’t even need anything. I can want -things- when I’m depressed, but after a day of window shopping I rarely buy anything. Too much guilt. I guess that’s good though. No debt is one thing I have going for me (Thanks to having a family that is understanding and doesn’t  make me pay rent).

I wish I could give advice on what to do if you’re feeling stuck and without drive, but I haven’t found the solution yet. Keeping a planner/ to do list helps if you have only a few things on it, maybe some really basic stuff. It’s good to have reminders that you have some things to do, and proof that you didn’t just sit in front of the tv all day when you have things crossed off.

Do you struggle to get going and keep motivated? Share your stories and advice in the comments!

On Priorities and Being Busy

I’m reading a book called ‘Girls in White Dresses’ by  Jennifer Close. It’s about several young women going through life and their failed relationships. There are definitely a few parts that I can relate to.

Hope

One chapter is about a girl and her boyfriend that are  both democrats. The guy starts getting really into politics and begins volunteering for the campaign for the democratic candidate in the upcoming election. It’s so important to him that he quits his job to focus on it. His girlfriend is supportive, and after he goes all over the country, and gets too busy to even call she decides to join him for a while. When she gets back at home and he visits she questions his priorities; he gets defensive. He continues to spend his time talking to his campaign friends, while ignoring her. He’s in town for a few days and they go on a double date with one of those campaign friends. She is once again left to listen to him chat up his friends while giving little attention to his date.  Eventually he gets a new job and moves to DC, while his girlfriend is still in New York. They try to make it work, but eventually break up. She knew she was his second choice, behind his political work.

It’s all about priorities. His top priority was his political work, while hers was the relationship. It’s okay to be together and have different priorities for a time, but it isn’t fair to stay together if you have no intention of changing things. There is a limit to how long you can feel ‘second’ before it really starts to hurt, and that hurt can come out in ways that damage the relationship even more. I know when I felt this way I got jealous, accusatory, and needy. None of that helped. I was trying to prove that I was right and he didn’t care about me, because I’ve always felt that I was not enough.

That said, if you find yourself constantly saying how busy you are and spending a lot of time in on area of your life, realize that you are probably neglecting other areas. You have to be honest with yourself about your priorities.  If you can’t make time for something, is it really that important to you? Are you avoiding another area for a reason? When another person is involved you may need to admit that you aren’t really available to meet there needs. Personally I don’t think anyone is so important that they can’t spend 5 minutes on a call, a thoughtful note, or an evening off for dinner.

If you happen to be in a relationship(or friendship) with a perpetually busy person you really have two choices if you don’t want to be miserable: either get out and move on, or find more ways to occupy your time and be happy with times you do get to spend together. You deserve better than waiting around for the things that you need and want.

If you want more about the busy excuse,  read Being Super-Busy: The Modern Lame Excuse For Managing Down Your Expectations over at Baggage Reclaim

~Laura