Aug 22, 2014

On Priorities and Being Busy

I’m reading a book called ‘Girls in White Dresses’ by  Jennifer Close. It’s about several young women going through life and their failed relationships. There are definitely a few parts that I can relate to.


One chapter is about a girl and her boyfriend that are  both democrats. The guy starts getting really into politics and begins volunteering for the campaign for the democratic candidate in the upcoming election. It’s so important to him that he quits his job to focus on it. His girlfriend is supportive, and after he goes all over the country, and gets too busy to even call she decides to join him for a while. When she gets back at home and he visits she questions his priorities; he gets defensive. He continues to spend his time talking to his campaign friends, while ignoring her. He’s in town for a few days and they go on a double date with one of those campaign friends. She is once again left to listen to him chat up his friends while giving little attention to his date.  Eventually he gets a new job and moves to DC, while his girlfriend is still in New York. They try to make it work, but eventually break up. She knew she was his second choice, behind his political work.

It’s all about priorities. His top priority was his political work, while hers was the relationship. It’s okay to be together and have different priorities for a time, but it isn’t fair to stay together if you have no intention of changing things. There is a limit to how long you can feel ‘second’ before it really starts to hurt, and that hurt can come out in ways that damage the relationship even more. I know when I felt this way I got jealous, accusatory, and needy. None of that helped. I was trying to prove that I was right and he didn’t care about me, because I’ve always felt that I was not enough.

That said, if you find yourself constantly saying how busy you are and spending a lot of time in on area of your life, realize that you are probably neglecting other areas. You have to be honest with yourself about your priorities.  If you can’t make time for something, is it really that important to you? Are you avoiding another area for a reason? When another person is involved you may need to admit that you aren’t really available to meet there needs. Personally I don’t think anyone is so important that they can’t spend 5 minutes on a call, a thoughtful note, or an evening off for dinner.

If you happen to be in a relationship(or friendship) with a perpetually busy person you really have two choices if you don’t want to be miserable: either get out and move on, or find more ways to occupy your time and be happy with times you do get to spend together. You deserve better than waiting around for the things that you need and want.

If you want more about the busy excuse,  read Being Super-Busy: The Modern Lame Excuse For Managing Down Your Expectations over at Baggage Reclaim


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